Proposals

Will. You. Marry. Me.

Separately, they're just four simple words you've been saying since before you even kissed a girl. But now, just attempting to string them together into a single coherent inquiry so that you can kiss a girl is enough to induce a stutter and a cold sweat, and maybe even hyperventilation.

We feel you, brother. So to make the moment easier to swallow, we're serving up more proposal advice and nuggets of wisdom than Ernie the Philosophizing Bartender has poured into a decade's worth of pint glasses.

Now, partake of the following tales, tips, do's, and don'ts, then go forth and pop the question like a champ. And when you do, tell us the story here and help the rest of the stuttering masses

Tales
"IHOP - The International House of Proposals"
"Fiancées Dig Guitarists"
"Jeep Fakeout Proposal"

Top 5 Proposal Don'ts

1. Don't hide the ring in her food - That's not the choked up you're looking for.
2. Don't ask via JumboTron at a sporting event - Unless it's a huge game and/or you expect to return to that same matchup year after year for the rest of your life... wink, wink.
3. Don't get down on one knee while cooking and ask, "Will you marinade me?" - That's just mean.
4. Don't tell her best friend beforehand - She will promise to keep quiet, and she will be lying through her teeth.
5. Don't start with "You win..." - You're a man, never admit defeat.

Top 5 Proposal Do's

1. Do ask her parents for their permission - It's tradition and they will say yes.
2. Do have a diamond ring - Diamonds possess the power to persuade. Bigger persuasions call for bigger diamonds.
3. Do make it a surprise - No one in a 5-mile radius will ever forget that high-pitched "What are you doing what are you doing are you serious oh my gosh are you serious Yes Yes of course Yes!"
4. Do drop to one knee - Yes, you will feel vulnerable and off-balance, but you'll get used to that.
5. Do say, "Will you marry me?" - This is how it's been done since the beginning of time, and who are you to rewrite history?